


if there was a god above

by absolutecapriciousness (syballineInferno)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Death, Gen, I don't know how to tag this, Sadstuck, fan wriggler names for handmaid and psiioniic mentioned in passing, mentions of HIC Dolorosa Disciple and Signless, mentions of body horror, sorta proseish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-08 02:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syballineInferno/pseuds/absolutecapriciousness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A final act before the Vast Glub, and a reward for a heretic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if there was a god above

It is almost time. An hour until the Vast Glub, at the very most.

****

The Demoness has but one last act to do before the Sgrub and its results lay out of her hands.

****

She floats above the metal floor of Battleship Condescension, she makes no sound, she meets none. This part of the ship is old, near abandoned by all but one who visited once a sweep and its permanent resident. There’s only one room along this desolate, empty corridor, and it’s at the very end.

****

Her hand rests on the dusty door knob, and she falters. Even after condemning millions to gruesome death and torture - after condemning the one behind the metal door - did not mean that she wished to see this. That she wished this upon them.

****

{oh, but she is but a slave, is she not? and slaves - their wishes don’t matter}

****

After a moment, she turns the knob and pushes open the door.

****

The Helmsman - the Psiioniic -  is a pitiful sight. Emotions that one could refer to as guilt and pity arise in the Demoness, choking her voice, but she dismisses them. She was not a troll anymore, not worthy of emotions, not since she condemned the Signless to a horrible death, the Dolorosa to chains, the Disciple to exile, the Psiioniic to this pitiful existence for millennia. She could not afford emotions.

****

“Psiioniic,” she breathes. The man attached to the systems can barely turn his head to look at her, can barely glance at her, but his eyes widen ever so slightly, as if he was of the opinion he was seeing a ghost. It has been millenia since he watched her from afar, as she spoke to the Signless and told him many would die, more than he could bury. It has been nearly as long since she watched the Signless’ last sermon, maroon tears falling down her face and he caught her eye for only a moment.

****

“N-no,” his voice is barely there, rough and sore and cracking from disuse. “Not... Not _you.”_ his voice is old and it is tired and broken and he spits ‘you’ as if it were a curse. She lacks surprise.

****

“W-why are you here? Why now of all times?” he is starting to regain his voice but it’s still like sandpaper, and something like anger seeps into his voice. “He’s been dead for thousands of years - where were you?” his voice cracks and his eyes close and then open again as he looks at her. “Will you finally let me die?” his voice is longing, desperate for the sweet release of death.

****

“Not yet-” she starts, and he cuts her off.

****

“Have you come to _mock_ me, perhaps, Demoness, oh Handmaiden of Death?” he asks her bitterly, and her titles burn at her. “I was wrong to worship you as a god all those sweeps ago. You’re just like her; an immortal beast with sentiency.” She pretends it doesn’t sting.

****

“I am no god-” he cuts her off with a bark of laughter that sounds more like sobbing.

****

“Do you think I - **_OBEY!”_** his voice trembles as he lets out a bellow - a shout from the program installed into his brain for thousands of years. She damns the Her Imperial Condescension silently. “Do you think I don’t know? You’re a monstrosity, Handmaid; a cherub at best.”  he pauses, then asks (desperately, pleadingly), “Why - won't - you - let - me - **_DIE?”_** he screams the last word, like the Signless did the Vast Expletive. He is angry; he rightfully should be.

****

She floats towards him, and before she realises it, her outstretched hand drops one of her needles, papping his face lightly and she lets out a soft _“Shhh,”_ as her hand meets his worn, scarred skin. He sinks into it at first, like only the love starved do, but then he recalls where he is and who she is and he recoils, as if burnt. She has crossed a line.

****

“I know you are no god,” he whispers clearly, distantly, and his eyelids close. “For there is no god. If there was - if there was - they’d have let me - _**they’d have let me die in his stead!**_ ”

****

“Psiioniic- _please,_ listen to me,”  she croons, she begs, and his eyes open ever so slightly. “I just -I need only one thing, and then - then you can die.”

****

“What is it?” his tone is not grateful, not to her, but it is wistful; it is not hopeful. He knows better, after sweeps of hoping the Condesce would forget to come down here and keep him alive for another sweep.

****

“One last blast of energy, all of it at once; I need you to burn out.” He is weary: there is not enough for Battleship Condescension to get back in time to stop the Vast Glub, especially not if the battery - the Helmsman - dies halfway through. He’d die screaming, like all Helmsmen and Helmswomen of the various ships do; the alarms going off, his eyes blowing out, the wires melting and exploding -

****

But he’d be rewarded with death.

****

She feels almost jealous.

****

His eyes close for a moment, then open. There is a determinedness in the lines of his face as power throbs into the ship, all that he has.

****

It takes two minutes for him to start to scream. It takes three for the the alarms to go off, and four for his eyes to explode. The nerves and wires start to melt and his pan is about to start to melt out his ears at five when everything stops at six minutes. All is silent.

****

“ _Thank you,_ ” whispers Aterin Captor’s last breath.

****

The Demoness - no, for at that moment she is Erenia Megido - steps forward, removes the goggles, and shuts his eyes for the last time.

  
_“Sleep,”_ she whispers. _“Sleep.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Goddamn okay, so this was written really quickly and is unbetaed and really bad but here! Comments/Requests/Concerns/Questions? I'm at absolutecapriciousness[.]tumblr[.]com , remove the []s.


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